Pitch
by TheNewIdea
Summary: A conjoining of every single cartoon canon that I've written for, but mainly central on Family Guy. Trying to have equal representation and am not limited to the characters that I write about, it can be any character as long as it's in the canons that I have written for. The story of a ragtag baseball team with big dreams and even bigger problems.
1. Prologue

Prologue

The bases are loaded. Up to bat is the guy who has yet to play a single second in a single game in his entire life. And here he was at the World Series.

The pitcher is the batter's only friend, the guy who believes wholeheartedly that the batter can win this game, the guy who risked his reputation, his relationship and his ability, all for the success of the batter. Without so much as blinking the pitcher threw the ball as hard as he could and prayed to God that it would fly through the air like a bird.

The batter readied himself, gripping the bat so hard that his knuckles were white, when the ball was within range; he closed his eyes and swung...

**Summer**

**Two Years Earlier**

**3:30 pm**

"Play ball!" the umpire shouted across the field. Bowser, the King of the Koopas, was up to bat. Pitching for him was Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.

"Alright Bowser" Oswald said, "You ready?"

Bowser nodded and tapped home plate with his bat, "Come on Os" Bowser replied, "Right here, here in the old pocket!"

Oswald rolled his eyes playfully and wound up the pitch.

"Strike one!" the umpire called

"Brian if you don't shut up I'm going to kill you!" Bowser grumbled

Brian Griffin, the umpire, huffed in disbelief and pulled his helmet back down. He crouched down to Oswald and gave a two and a three. Oswald nodded as the ball was returned; he then wound up the pitch yet again.

On second base, Perry the Platypus waited patiently for Bowser to hit the ball. On second base for the opposite "team" was Tom Cat.

"Come on Bowser" Perry said encouragingly, "Show those posers why you're called the King!"

Bowser responded to this with a hitter, the ball going all the way to outfield. Bowser rounded first and headed to second, causing Perry to run for third and attempt to head for home plate. Tom meanwhile stood there saying nothing.

Just as Perry was at the halfway point between third and home, the shortstop, I Don't Give a Damn, tagged him out intentionally, hitting Perry with the baseball on the head. Perry was on the ground almost immediately, bleeding slightly from the injury.

"Technical" Brian called as he ran over. I Don't Give A Damn smugly laughed as Brian, who been playing all morning, began to sweat.

"What the hell was that Logan?" Brian said, using Damn's real name, "You just beaned my second basemen!"

Logan said nothing, Brian growled annoyingly

"I'm watching you Logan" Brian threatened, "Pull another stunt like that and you're out of the game."

Logan smirked and walked away. Brian turned around and helped Perry to his feet.

"You alright man?" Brian asked with a concerned look on his face.

Perry nodded

"You sure?" Brian pressed

Perry smiled; a gash was just above his right eye

"I can play" Perry said still shaken up, "I can play."

Brian shook his head, "Not yet. Sit out the rest of the inning. If you're feeling up to it, at the stretch, you can come back in."

Perry nodded in understanding and headed towards the bench.

"Alright" Brian yelled across the field as he reached home plate, "Play ball!"

Next at bat was Vinny the Dog. Brian immediately tensed up, for Vinny was known to be ruthless to umpires when they started making calls.

"No tricks Vinny" Brian said sternly, "Let's have a nice clean game."

Vinny laughed, "I'll play nice when you drop dead you old fleabag!"

Brian sighed annoyingly, "I don't have fleas asshole. I have worms."

Vinny laughed even harder, "Same difference. Fleas, worms, whatever...doesn't change the fact that you're past your prime."

Brian snapped his jaws into the air threateningly, "Are you going to stand there talking or are you going to play the damned game!"

Vinny scoffed and prepared himself. Brian, in response, crouched down and motioned for Oswald to throw a low bean ball. Oswald, who knew of Vinny's attitude, happily complied with the request. Vinny fell to the ground, the ball hitting him in the shin.

"What the hell Brian?" Vinny said as he accidentally dropped the bat on his hind leg.

Brian leaned over Vinny and got directly in his face, "Never...ever...insult me again" he exclaimed, "and tell Logan that he's terrible at being discreet."

Brian then extended a helping hand to Vinny, who obviously denied it. He stood up, brushed himself off and walked over to the bench. Brian banned him from the rest of the game.

In the outfield, Donald Duck, Daffy Duck and Launchpad McQuack, were all suffering Charlie Brown Syndrome, which translates to doing absolutely nothing. The infield was so "good" that it prevented them from ever getting a chance to actually do any real game play. The only time that they saw any action was with Bowser, who was courteous enough to actually practice and therefore hit the ball to the outfield.

At the moment, the ducks were in the middle of a game of Would You Rather. It was Donald's turn.

"Would you rather spend the last day of your life with friends...or the last day of your life getting laid by the woman of your dreams?"

Launchpad said that he would rather spend it with friends, Daffy, being Daffy, said that he would spend his last day getting laid. The game moved to Launchpad.

"Would you rather continue this game of baseball...or go to the bar for drinks?"

All of them collectively said that the bar would be a better investment and so immediately threw down their gloves and walked off. Before they could walk off however, the ball came their way. They were so surprised that they started scrambling in random directions, running into each other and causing general mayhem. The ball, somehow, was forgotten as fighting broke out as to where the ball was. Brian, once again, came over to see what the problem was.

Brian, seeing that the fighting was escalating, blew the whistle that was around his neck and called everyone to the field.

Donald, Launchpad and Daffy were covered in dirt; to their right were Bowser, Oswald, Logan and finally Tom, Vinny and Perry, who had an ice pack resting on his bill.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Brian asked, "Is how we're going to play when we get to the championship?"

Bowser laughed at the remark, "Championship! Brian we don't even get along with each other, how are we supposed to face a team? We've lost every game that we've ever played. Ernie, that big loud mouthed chicken, and his team killed us last week and Bugs' is going to destroy us this week. What's the point?"

Brian shook his head, but he knew that Bowser had a point, they weren't a team. It was laughable to even call them that. In fact, it was an insult to teams to call them that, everyone was against everyone. Brian would call it a dog eat dog scenario, Bowser would say that it was a blue shell situation and Oswald simply called it a mess. However you said it, it was clear that things weren't working.

Brian sighed deeply and counted down the line. "There are 10 of us" he began, "We can only have 9. Someone is going to have to go."

All of them became tense, for all one of them could be cut, including Brian. Brian turned to Bowser.

"As the team captain, the decision falls to you Bowser" Brian said rather grimly, "So...who's it going to be?"

Bowser sighed; he had no intention of cutting anyone, for he believed that they all had potential, even people like Vinny and Logan. But still a decision had to be made.

"Cut me" a voice said in the line

Bowser and Brian turned to find that the voice came from Perry, who was smiling despite the fact that his bill was broken and he could barely see.

"Its okay" Perry continued, "I'm hurt. I would only be slowing you guys down anyway."

Brian gave a look of pity, almost a puppy dog face, to Bowser who couldn't help but agree.

"You're not leaving" Brian said comfortingly, he then turned to Vinny and Logan.

"What about these guys?" Brian continued, talking to Bowser

Bowser walked over and looked at them

Bowser sighed and turned to Vinny

"Can you get your act together Vinny?" Bowser asked sternly, "You're a good player. But you're attitude is terrible. I will not stand for poor attitudes on this team."

Vinny nodded obediently, "Some team this is" he replied, instantly getting looks from everyone. "Alright fine" Vinny said, obviously annoyed if nothing else, "I'll be good."

Brian had difficulty believing Vinny, but decided to take a chance with him. This left only Logan.

Logan shrugged, picked up his things and walked off with this final phrase, "Like I said before...I don't give a damn."

Thunder roared in the distance. A sign that the game would remain unfinished, just like all games. They never really kept score, they just played wherever they left off before, people came and people went. At one point the membership was 20 strong.

The ducks- Daffy, Donald and Launchpad, offered to take the group out to the bar. Everyone but Perry agreed, the platypus deciding to go home to tend to his injuries. Brian and Bowser immediately became concerned, Bowser more so, as the team captain.

"You sure Perry?" Bowser asked, "It might make you feel better."

Perry smiled and shook his head, "No I think I'd rather just go home" he answered, "I've got things to do anyway."

Bowser nodded in understanding, "Gotta get home before the boys, eh? Well okay, tell em I said hi."

Perry shook Bowser's hand and walked down the street.


	2. These Things and Other Things

Chapter One

These Things and Other Things

Bowser, Brian, Donald, Launchpad, Daffy, Vinny, Oswald and Tom walked in the local bar and sat down at the biggest table in the corner of the room. Remy, the bartender, walked over to the table to take orders.

"So" Remy began as he flicked his whiskers, "How'd the scrimmage go?"

Brian shook his head, Bowser who shared his expression, answered for him.

"Logan was a pain in the ass, as usual. The Three Stooges over here-"

Bowser motioned towards Donald, Launchpad and Daffy

"Can't play outfield for shit, Vinny got hit in the shin, Perry got beaned, I missed my batting average, Brian didn't get to bat and Tom stood there like a stone gargoyle pretending to do something."

Tom shot Bowser a look, at the same time a knowing smile crept on his face.

"Seriously" Bowser continued as looked at Tom, "Do you ever talk?"

Tom only shrugged.

Brian got everyone's orders and immediately told Remy that it was going to be on his check.

"Come on!" The ducks exclaimed simultaneously, "Let us pay."

Brian shook his head, "Nope. Despite what happened I still say that we did good, not great, but good. That's enough."

Daffy huffed, he wasn't about to take Brian's modesty, "I'll take the check" Daffy said to Remy

"I'm perfectly fine with paying for us" Brian continued

"Don't listen to him" Donald, who was right next to Remy, whispered, "He ain't as young as he used to be, and that's putting it lightly. Sometimes it's a wonder that he even goes out on the field."

Brian heard this and was hurt, for it was true, out of all them he was the oldest. Most of his fur was grey or an off white color. Brian, despite his words earlier,also had fleas, a lot of fleas. In addition to this, Brian's hearing came and went, much like the players on the team.

"I ain't as good as I once was" Brian said to himself, "But I still got a few tricks up my sleeve. I'm not done yet, not even close."

Everyone shot a look Donald's way, save for Brian, who had gone inside himself for a moment, Donald immediately felt ashamed, for he had said something that he shouldn't have said. Brian knew that he was old; he didn't need anyone to tell him.

"Sorry Brian" Donald said rather nervously, "I guess I just-"

Brian cut him off, "Never apologize for something that you meant Donald."

At that moment Ernie the Giant Chicken entered the bar, he was followed closely by Cleveland Brown, Tim the Bear, Mickey Mouse, Iago the Parrot, Tweety Bird, Sylvester, Jerry Mouse and Ollie Williams.

Brian and his team turned towards them and immediately gave them the blind eye.

"Just ignore them" Bowser whispered across the table, "Don't pay attention to anything that they have to-"

Bowser was cut off by Tim, who was drunk and screaming throughout the room.

"Hey!" he yelled, "Where's the service around here?"

Remy bolted from the kitchen; if there was anything that he hated more than anything it was poor service.

"Yes gentlemen" Remy said as he wiped sweat from his brow," Let me show you to your table."

"We'll take the bar" Tim answered, speaking for the whole group, no one else in his party seemed interested.

"But sir" Remy continued, "The bar is reserved for the special customers or when there are no available tables. There are plenty of tables around, you can sit at one of them or you can leave. This is a clean, well lighted place after all."

Tim huffed and walked out. The rest of his team stayed inside and sat at a table in the far corner of the room.

Ernie looked over and lazily found his eyes locked on Brian. He hailed Remy over.

"Yes sir?" Remy asked

"Order some rounds for that table over there" Ernie began, "and get us whatever it is that they're having."

Remy nodded and scurried off

Launchpad and Daffy were laughing over a joke that Oswald told, Vinny and Brian didn't think that it was very funny; Bowser thought that it was annoying at best and didn't really count as a joke because there wasn't a punch line. Tom contently ate his food, saying nothing and Donald was in the bathroom.

Remy came over with the drinks

"We didn't order any" Brian started to say before Remy stopped him

"Courtesy of the table in the corner" he replied, "You know, believe it or not, those guys respect you. They may be better than you, they may have more style than you, but you guys have heart and that's just as good. Maybe even more so..."

Brian shook this off, "We don't have heart" he answered, "He's at home with a broken bill."

All of them agreed, the team was literally a ragtag group of losers without Perry to keep them grounded. The platypus may have been the second basemen, but he was just as influential as Brian and Bowser were.

There was no team captain; not really, they weren't in any league for titles to be bestowed like that. They played because they liked the game. They all came from different backgrounds, had different ambitions and dreams. But those things didn't matter when it came to baseball, for they all seemed to blend in the background when they stepped on the field, creating on the blank canvas a painting with colors all their own.

"Perry's a good guy ain't he?" Remy said knowingly, "So he broke his bill huh? How'd that happen?"

"Do you always ask so many questions Remy?" Oswald asked rather annoyed, "Can't you just leave us alone and let us eat and drink in peace."

Launchpad brushed Oswald off playfully, "Ah come on Os!" he exclaimed, "Remy's not hurting anybody! It's just a question after all, and asking questions ain't hurt no body no how."

Tom begged to differ but he didn't say anything, like always.

Remy walked away to serve the other table

Eventually there was nothing left to talk about; the team had been at the bar for almost two hours. They all took this as a sign that it was time to go home, and so went their separate ways to their respective houses.

Brian drove back to the baseball field to retrieve some of the gear he had left there. He looked to his right, the sun, which poked through the dark rain clouds, was just below the horizon. The rain fell gently, technically, Brian thought, the game could've continued. But Brian knew that rain, when it did come, would always get worse. Walking over to the cage behind home plate, Brian picked up his glove that he didn't use, the baseball, which was his, the bat, also his, and his umpire gear and placed them in the back of his 2002 Ford F-150. Brian traded his car for the truck after Peter told him that he needed something more practical. Personally, Brian thought that his car was just fine, but he wasn't willing to argue with Peter, the last few times having turned into violent fistfights that ended up with the dog lying on a hospital bed.

Brian drove down the street and pulled up to his driveway.

The ducks and Oswald walked out of the bar and headed in the opposite direction towards the suburbs.

Oswald's house was first, so he left the group relatively quickly and retired to bed to prepare for the next day. Launchpad, Daffy and Donald continued, Donald eventually crossing the street, making his way over to his blue with white trim two story house and also headed for bed. Daffy made a right turn down a side street and then a left a few hundred feet later down another side street where he came across a small wooded area with a path running down the middle. Walking down this path for twenty or thirty feet, Daffy stopped and found his pond off to the left of the path and entered it. Back on the main street, where Donald and Oswald lived, Launchpad continued on, finally stopping at the very end of the street in what appeared to be a house made to look like a World War II fighter jet.

Perry was sitting in the backyard underneath the oak tree, in his incognito persona, resting his head on Ferb, who was unquestionably tending to the platypus' wound. The rain was falling lazily through the trees and hadn't yet reached intense storm levels yet.

Perry remembered on what Bowser told him about his situation; it was something that he had been told countless of times both by Doofenshrimtz and Vanessa, Doofenshrimtz's daughter and Perry's on again- off again girlfriend. But Bowser's version, stuck with him the most.

_"A King does what is best for his subjects. He cares about what is right for his people...even if others think that it is wrong. That is love. Doing everything in your power to protect the people you care about without them noticing you. Integrity, humility, honor...these are the things that make a great King. These are the things that you get remembered for. It's not about conquering, not about pillaging towns and definitely not about taxes. Only your enemies remember those things. What matters Perry, to me, is what my subjects think of me...Most people would say that doesn't matter, what others think of you, but that only really applies to people you hate...I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you tell them do it with pride and conviction because if you don't, you're only hurting yourself in the end."_

At that moment Phineas came in the backyard. Perry lifted his small head up and gave his best attempt at a smile, but Ferb immediately pushed Perry back on his lap, gently patting his head in the process.

"How's he doing?" Phineas asked with a concerned look on his face

"Perry's fine" Ferb answered, "Still trying to figure out how he broke his bill though. Maybe he ran into something?"

Phineas shrugged and sat next to his brother, the ground was relatively dry underneath the tree despite the fact that it was raining.

"Maybe Ferb, maybe...so, what do you want to do today?"

Ferb already had an answer to this question. So did Perry, but in keeping with his persona, said nothing, as usual. They both remained silent, letting Phineas figure out the answer for himself.

"Okay then" Phineas interpreted, "We'll just sit here."

And so for a moment the world and everything in it, was complete.


	3. At Home With Brian

Chapter Two

At Home With Brian

Brian walked up to his house; he could hear Lois cooking in the kitchen from the door. He could also hear the TV in the living room, Tom Tucker from Channel 5 News was on. Peter was watching it, Brian knew because Peter always kept the TV louder than he should have, which made Brian for several minutes lose his hearing. At the moment though, he was fine.

In cases like these Brian had a set of headphones to protect what hearing he had left. Putting the headphones in, Brian looked down and saw that Lois had actually bothered to place the welcome mat on the porch, something that she hadn't done since the day that Brian first came to live with the Griffins. Brian shrugged his shoulders and wiped his feet on the mat and shook himself free of water before entering the house.

Brian, out of habit, walked over to the TV and turned it down. Peter looked at Brian with a shocked expression.

"Excuse me" he said, "I was watching something."

Brian pulled out his headphones and turned towards Peter

"In case you haven't noticed Peter, I don't hear as well as I used to. I'd like to keep what hearing I have left."

Peter scoffed and turned up the TV, Brian held his ears in pain

"What did I just tell you?" Brian screamed over the TV, "Turn it down Peter!"

Peter did nothing. Brian sighed and slowly let go of his ears, he heard nothing. He was completely deaf.

Brian didn't even bother speaking, for he knew that he would sound like a drunken idiot to Peter who would only make fun of him. Thankfully, Brian knew sign language.

_"Why do you do this to me?" _Brian signed, _"What did I ever do to deserve this?"_

Peter shook his head in disbelief

_"Answer me Peter"_

Peter did nothing. Brian flipped him off and walked into the kitchen.

Meg and Stewie were sitting at the kitchen table. Lois had recently installed a kitchen door, in order to block out as much noise from the TV as possible. Brian, upon walking in, closed the door.

"Brian!" Meg said excitedly as she stood up and hugged the dog, "you're home!"

Brian smiled and returned the embrace, saying nothing.

"Can you hear me?" Meg continued

Brian shook his head.

Meg rolled her eyes annoyingly and slightly opened the door

"Dad!" she cried, yelling to Peter, "Turn down the TV!"

Peter groaned in annoyance and finally complied.

Brian sat down at the table in his usual spot, while Meg closed the door and returned to her seat.

Stewie was busy playing with a small baseball, one of Brian's old chew toys to be exact. Brian turned towards Stewie and watched him throw the ball up and down. For a moment he was hypnotized, for Brian had nothing else to do at the moment and the only interesting thing in the room was Stewie's ball. Brian tapped Stewie on the shoulder.

"What do you want dog?" Stewie asked rather coldly

_"Can I see the ball?" _

Stewie caught the ball and set it on his small highchair. Brian rolled his eyes and tapped Stewie on the shoulder again.

"You're deaf again aren't you?" Stewie continued, not making eye contact and looking straight ahead.

Brian nodded, for he had also become an avid lip reader.

Stewie didn't even bother looking in Brian's direction and so didn't see his response. Stewie assumed that Brian was deaf.

Lois turned around with dinner on a platter. It was spaghetti...again. Brian was impartial to spaghetti, having much preferred meatloaf and mashed potatoes, another one of Lois signature recipes that she often makes. Stewie however, loved spaghetti, and half of the time he didn't even bother eating it, he just played with his food like all babies and young toddlers would do. Meg, Lois and Brian sat silently, in Brian's case he had no choice, at the table and waited for Peter to enter the room.

Peter came in the room and sat down in his chair. Peter then bowed his head, everyone but Stewie, who was busy eating and Brian, who was an atheist, bowed their heads in prayer. When that was done they, in turn, bowed lifted their heads up and Brian brought his down. In his head he was reciting a mock version of the Lord's Prayer from Hemingway's A Clean and Well Lighted Place. It goes like this:

_Our nada who art in nada, nada by thy name thy kingdom nada thy will be nada in nada as it is in nada. Give us this nada our daily nada and nada our nada as we nada our nadas and nada us not into nada but deliver us from nada...Hail nothing full of nothing, nothing is with thee._

Brian then lifted his head and began eating along with the rest of the family.

Well into the meal, Brian had slowly begun to gain his hearing, the voices around him were muffled, soon they would return in full focus. As so not to jinx himself, Brian remained silent.

"So Brian" Lois said as she took another forkful of spaghetti into her mouth, "When are you going to take Stewie to one of your games?"

Brian gave Lois a hard look that gave his answer

"Come on Brian" Lois continued, "You and Stewie never spend time together anymore..."

That was a lie. Stewie and Brian were almost constantly together whenever Brian wasn't out on the field.

"The least you can do is bring him to at least one of your baseball games."

Brian swallowed hard and attempted to speak.

"It's not a little league team Lois" Brian replied, his voice a bit distorted, "He'd only get in the way."

Stewie slammed his fork on his plate, "No I wouldn't!" he cried, "Please Brian, we never do anything anymore! I've never met any of your teammates; I don't even know what baseball is! Please Brian, let me come with you tomorrow, I promise I won't get in the way or anything!"

Brian only continued with his dinner

Meg gently placed her hand on Brian; Brian caught himself staring directly into Meg's eyes, for a moment he could hear everything as if he were five years younger. It was then that seemingly useless information crossed his mind, particularly the ages of the family. Meg would be nineteen come November, Stewie had just turned four two months ago. Lois and Peter were both in their mid forties and Brian himself was nearing his twelfth year, he still had several good years ahead he knew, but now things were going to be a bit slower, a bit heavier.

"Please Brian" Meg said, practically begging, "You don't want Stewie to be like Chris."

The memory of Chris flooded Brian's mind. Chris had died the year before in a tragic car accident, a hit and run. Chris had been drinking, despite the fact that he was underage. He had also taken to smoking pot, both the drink and the weed he had obtained personally from Brian, who warned him about the dangers ahead of time and only gave him a small dosage of both. It was enough to get Chris high and drunk at the same time, it was enough for Chris to stumble into the street and get hit by a car, for the driver to panic and drive away only for Brian, Peter and Joe to track him down and beat him senseless.

"Meg..." Brian started to say, "Don't-don't use Chris against me. Don't do that, not to me. It's bad enough that I have to live the rest of my life with the guilt, knowing that I could've done something. I made a mistake, but don't let me hone up to it. Not yet Meg. Not yet."

Brian turned towards Stewie, his face sorrowful

"Be up bright and early Stewie" Brian said as he stood up, "We've got to be at the field by dawn to practice before the game."

Stewie clapped his hands excitedly, jumped out of his highchair and bolted upstairs to his bed to get a head start. Brian couldn't help but laugh a bit as he watched Stewie scramble up the stairs as if he were mentally deranged.

"What have I gotten myself into?" Brian asked, hoping to get an answer from someone despite the fact that it was rhetorical. He would get no such thing.


End file.
